25/05/2014 – Started on Friday actually. After coming home from Westfields after having the dinner with Kem who just reminded me so much of Jes and all of his BS. I felt physically and emotionally exhausted. I was literally spent. So I cried – bawled to tears to God saying how unhappy I am at being unhppy. Surrounded by wastemen/guys who are decent but completely unattractive. I was just so miserable. Crying and praying like that usually makes me feel better and this time was no different.
Anyway today the service was okay – then this American woman, part of our family, went up to give a word. When she had finished, she said there was someone in here who is broken-hearted – their heart is in pieces, so if it resonates with you come and get prayer. It didn’t resonate with me so I didn’t respond to it. Anyway on the way out Clive asked how I was doing and I found that I had to think about how I was actually feeling. I told him that I was feeling attacked emotionally and that I felt unhappy. He asked if it was to do with desiring a husband and I was honest and said yes. He then pulled me up for prayers asking the same American woman and another lady too, to pray with me. They all prayed for me then Clive left me with them because they had prophetic gifting.
The Americn lady asked me what I do, so I told her I was working for the NHS – she asked me what I want to do. After a long think, I told her my writing but also said how ‘iffy’ I was about it because of the practicalities – non-consistent pay. She then went on to tell me that she feels that I should be writing, that I’m unsure about what I want to do because I have an identity issue – I don’t realise what my calling in Him is – which is my writing and that I need to work on knowing who I am in Him. She said that I was the person she was referring to when she said someone is broken hearted. That there is a well within me and I’ve been swimming – holding my breath under water thinking how am I going to get help but she says that, ‘well of emotions’ – (probably the water I feel as though I’m drowning in) – needs to be released – God wants to release that through my writing.
She said that I am I source of vision and emotion – through my writing but it starts within me. That there’s emotional power within my writing – linked to the prophetic gifting.
She sees a ministry for youth and young women – to be able to connect emotionally with them which older women find difficult to do. WOW! It was as though she was a mirror to all that I had been wondering, she was confirming. As though God was talking through her.
What I got from that is to pursue my writing because that is my gift and it’s power comes from my emotions hence why my emotions are so powerful, it’s there to be expressed through my writing to and/assist others.
Feel more comfortable with my emotional character now – realising it’s there for God’s purpose., No one should ever make me feel as though I’m too emotional especially when I can’t help it because God made me things way for a reason. My declaration: I will honour God with my writing, through use of my emotional character for His glory and purpose. C Bailey-Cassell.
The other lady, (both lovely women) said she had picture for me – there was money in my right hand and it means that it represents worth – that I’m worth it, God is trusting me with a lot of worth – other people’s hearts because he trusts me with it.
I am going through.
Another important thing I forgot to mention – the American lady quoted my mantra; Habakkuk 2:2 – the word I keep receiving so I know this is definitely my calling.
TheReadyWriter 