Today my uni girlfriends invited me around for pancakes as it was shrove Tuesday; on the way there I had a strange feeling, difficult to explain it; I was as if my mood had just dropped. I said a quick prayer that the evening would be okay as I didn’t feel very sociable anymore. When I got there, one of the girl’s friends was there and they were all having a discussion; during which he said something which made me think to ask him if he was a believer – he said no, but that he’s open to the possibility of there being something up there [referring to God] but that he does not believe in religion. He would rather have evidence of there being a God otherwise he doesn’t believe. It put my perspective of God into view and that actually, I am grateful to know Him.
We watched the news which was showing the bombings in Syria, seeing people morn for their loved ones touched a nerve.. One of my friends called me into her room and we spoke for a bit. It was strange because I had prayed about feeling a little unloved and basically discouraged, that I felt no one truly cared about my well-being, and then my friend just asked me something simple. “How was your day?” Just the question I had basically being craving someone to ask me.
We then got into a big discussion about life and she was saying how she felt that what’s the point in doing stuff, going through life if we are just going to die anyway and that we don’t even know when it’s going to happen and how. Sounds depressing and we felt a bit awkward. I didn’t know what to say, I could relate as a couple of times this week I had been thinking along the same lines. How when we get older time seems to go slower but it doesn’t actually when we look at how fast kids grow up it shows how fast time is going, quite depressing. Then we started talking about having our own families and kids and how this generation is just getting worse and bringing kids up in this world in the next few years would probably be hard etc. And we were just talking like that until it was time to go.
As I walked home I started praying and it was like everything just came out. I began asking God for things to change in me, around me and in other people’s lives. Seeing and hearing of people who don’t know Him and asking for that to change. Then I started asking him to release me from my own personal bondage, letting go of my emotions and just letting Him take control. I felt so tired and worn, bawling as I cried out to Him to deliver me. I told Him I couldn’t take it no more, that I wanted to see a change. One thing I don’t recall praying for which I should have is patience to deal with everything. I realise now how little my faith and trust is lacking.
Funny how as I got home I just felt the spirit tell me to read Psalm 37 which reads, verse 3: “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you all the desires of your heart.” [Encouraging isn’t it?] verse 4: “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun…Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes….Refrain from anger and do not fret – it only leads to evil.”
That whole passage from 3 – 7a, I just felt was talking directly to me. At the end of the prayer I asked him to show me if he was listening to me as I was still a bit apprehensive and then I went to sleep. Now in the mornings I usually either listen to music or watch something while I’m getting dressed and ready but I didn’t feel the urge to listen to music, I wanted to watch something so I put on Emmerdale but I thought no, let me listen to Joyce Meyers. So I went to YouTube in order to find something and found one of her videos about ‘Trusting in God when you don’t understand’ I clicked on the link and watched it.
Joyce was basically speaking on how we shouldn’t be asking God “why” there should be things we don’t need to know or even know as this is the whole point of faith and trusting in Him. She then turned in her bible to…Psalm 37 and that’s when I knew that I had to just trust in God that he has a plan and a purpose and that it is coming as it was the same scripture He had put on my heart the night before.
Joyce went on to say whenever we feel to say,“But God why?” We should instead change it to; “Okay God, I trust in you, that you will deliver in this situation.” I need to constantly remind myself that He has it and believe that it will come to fruition. I think my faith is strong, it is just my trust that I now need to build on. This is probably something He’s working on within me.
TheReadyWriter 